“I’ve been huffin and puffin for about 6 minutes now and still no progress” shreaks morbidly obese woman dressed as Arielle. “Look at me, I’ve sweat at least a gallon through my stomach alone! Ugh, I don’t know how much more this must-have collector’s backback can take. The stitching is already falling out and now my gummy worms are on the ground! Worst $550 dollars I ever spent! But I had to have it, you know, Disney is my life. Disney has helped me through so much. You’ll never be able to understand! When my digital pet starfish died, Disney was there. When my Dad went to the grocery store and never came back, Disney was there. Disney is my best friend ever since kindergarten.”
Perplexed reporter takes step back as morbidly obese woman begins to dry heave and limp towards the churro cart.
“Well there goes the rest of my day” sighs churro cart worker. “There’s about a dozen of these bull dozers that just show up next to our carts and order Oreo flavored churros, one after another, until we’re out of dough! Just one churro after another, blank stare, drooling and OMG you wouldn’t believe the gas these beasts emit. Makes me want to give up on my dream of becoming an actor.”
