“I’ve been sticking my tongue out my whole life! At work, at home, even in the shower! No one is safe! It’s been my thing for as long as I can remember. I’m the tongue guy! Or… at least that’s what I thought I was until entered the competition that ruined my life!”
Tongue man collapses to floor and begins to reflect.
“When I entered the 253rd international tongue length competition, I thought for sure I would win and bring home the five thousand dollar grand prize. I had big plans for that money! I was going to retire my parents, go on a trip to Madagascar, buy a boat, and learn how to sail!”
Tongue man looks off into distance thinking of what could have been.
“But all those dreams were ruined when I saw the Australian team in warm ups. Those guys could touch their foreheads with their tongues! How is anyone supposed to compete with that kind of steroid usage?!”
Tongue man appears to wait for answer but perplexed reporter does not know how to respond. Tongue man continues.
“After I saw what they could do, I thought okay, maybe the grand prize is out of reach but I could probably still get the second place prize of two thousand dollars and use it to retire my parents and take a trip to Madagascar! I thought this until I met the Norwegian team who could touch their tongues to their eye balls! It was very impressive but also very sad because I now knew first and second place were out of reach for me and my baby tongue.”
Tongue man points to himself then his baby tongue.
“Even with these let downs, I still had high hopes of retiring my parents with the third prize of five hundred dollars… until I met the Madagascar team who could touch their noses with their tongues. I then realized two things, I have reached the top of my proud tongue days and I no longer want to visit Madagascar. I had peaked and it was time for me to retire my baby tongue. Now I don’t stick my tongue out at anybody, not even the mirror!”
Tongue man begins to cry softly.
